Holiday Traditions: Then and Now

I have several Reflective Practice groups that I facilitate each month. Reflective Consultation Group is a space where professionals can slow down and think about how they are showing up in and being impacted by their work. It is such an important space for everyone, I think, but especially for those who work with families because family-work can bring up so much in us. We all have experiences with our own family and we can’t help but carry those experiences into the room with the families we serve.

What’s my point? Well. This month in all of my groups an inevitable topic has been The Holidays. Any struggles that families have seem more intense in these final months of the year. So, we spent some time thinking about our own experiences of the holidays now and when we were kids and also thought about what we’ve noticed about the families we work with. Sometimes, we (the Royal We) may be surprised at the choices other people make about how they spend their time and money during the holidays. Where there is surprise about a family’s way of doing things, we lean into curiosity with the understanding that parents are making the best decisions they know how to make in their circumstances and their own ways of thinking about the holidays. Families that struggle all year may try to make up for a bad year through gift giving. A caregiver that is spread too thin may use a gift card as an apology. Parents may argue over whether decorating an artificial tree or cutting down a real tree just has to be included on the activity list. It’s so easy to think that we would have other peoples’ concerns all wrapped up! And, yet, here we are! With our own holiday stressors to worry about.

Having a family is an opportunity to stop and think about how you want to build new traditions.

So, whether this is the first holiday season or your one hundredth as the caregiver in your family, here are a few reflective questions for you:

• When you think of the holidays, what comes up for you? Are you more stressed during this time? Are you more relaxed?

• How do your family’s values show up in your holiday planning and activities?

• Are there things that your family did during the holidays when you were growing up that you want your family/ children to experience?

• Are there things that happened in your family for the holidays that you want to let go of?

• How are you supporting your own well-being during the holidays?

Whatever your holidays look like this year, I hope they are filled with connection and joy.

-Love, Dr. Kenya